redfiona99

I did warn you all that it would be a very occasional series. There are also spoilers for the book and for the way various films and adaptations vary from the book.

There are many, many filmed versions of the Three Musketeers, and I will not cover them all.

The Three Musketeers is an interesting beast. Like all of Dumas's work, there's a deep, multifaceted story hiding underneath the action adventure headline. When they make adaptations, they tend to stick to the broad strokes of the action adventure story. Very broadly, most of the time.

That does mean that it's very easy to name the best adaptation of the Three Musketeers.



It's easy because it's the only one that passes both my basic requirements:

1 - None of the Musketeers are presented as an idiot (except you know those moments when they are in the book, D'Artagnan, you hot-headed young fool)
2 - The Cardinal is an antagonist, not a villain.

The Cardinal was very much a foundational character for me. Here we have someone who is doing his level best to defeat our heroes, and our heroes are sworn to beat him back but even they admit he is probably a better ruler than the person they're fighting for. They're only against him because they've promised to fight for the King. The Cardinal meanwhile, is a reasonable villain, he only wants what's best for France, and has no time for vendettas. He's not boo-hiss villainy and he doesn't want the crown. He just wants the King to do as he's told.

And in this film I get *that* played by Vincent Price. (He even gets a white cat to stroke sinisterly.)

All that, and excellent swordfights - give me a dancer and I can make a fine fencer out of them - and glorious technicolour and Lana Turner in glorious technicolour ... oh it's marvellous and perfect, and actually elides very little of the plot given when it was made.

A lot of other people like the Michael York/Richard Lester films but for me they fail point 1 - they make Porthos an idiot and I will not stand for this because Porthos is my favourite (please don't tell the others because they are also my favourites).

The Chris O'Donnell version fails on point 2. The Cardinal is a boo hiss villain in it - I know they had Tim Curry and temptation can be hard to resist but he can do more than just boo hiss villainy - *and* they screw up Milady. The idea of a Milady de Winter who voluntarily throws herself off a cliff misses something/everything about the character. It also messes with her death being at the hands of our heroes (or at least due to their decision to hand her over to the Axeman of Lille), and the question of "what does that make them?" It makes them our beloved, damaged broken heroes, but you know, not necessarily nice. I have had the argument in the "Dumas Club" in real life, and well, I am on Aramis's side. Although, I admit I have occasionally had problems and thought "what would the Musketeers do?" and then immediately done the opposite. As a strategy, it works.

The Logan Lerman/Paul WS Anderson version is actually solid for all that it changes a lot, and at least it passes points 1 and 2. It could do with more Porthos (Ray Stevenson as Porthos <3 <3 <3) and I have no idea what to do with a version of Athos who gets over himself (I love you really, Athos). It also has Christoph Waltz giving it quietly sinister as Richelieu and Freddie Fox as an adorbs King Louis and I am generally fonder of it than I ought to be.

Similarly changing everything but with enough charm to get away with it is the recent BBC Musketeers, which is very much in name only but I forgive them. There are also two old BBC adaptations which I have not seen but would dearly love to, one with Roger Delgado as Athos, and one with Jeremy Brett as D'Artagnan and Brian Blessed as Porthos (which my mother has raved about for my entire life, but may have suffered from the BBC wiping it).

If you want something a little different I recommend Dogtanian and the Muskehounds.



(I, like many of my generation, can sing this song word for word without excessive thought) (If you would like to hear it in a variety of languages, please see here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XQGZ_1sjjI)

Now Dogtanian does one weird thing, which is switch Athos and Porthos's characters, but none of the Musketeers are idiots and while the Cardinal is mean, he doesn't want to be king. Special note, I mean the TV show not the recent film version of this. I'm not sure why the film just didn't work for me while the TV show did but it didn't.

Avoid at all costs:

The Musketeer - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0246544/

Which is the third worst film I have ever seen.

I don't know how you make the Musketeers boring and tedious, but somehow this film manages it.

Rochefort is now mysteriously called Febre, and it Tim Roth giving it villainy (which he can do, but it just doesn't work in this film). It also has Stephen Rea as Richelieu and somehow doesn't use that to it's own advantage.

Then again, it's also a version of the Musketeers where Athos only appears in one scene and we never see the Three Inseparables together.

It's terrible and I disrecommend it utterly.

Now for something completely different:

I finish with something only partly related to the Three Musketeers, but it's thing of marvel and wonder.



Philippe Candeloro does proper fencing footwork on ice skates!!!

No, you need to understand - the number of actors in normal shoes who don't do proper footwork and he's doing it on ice skates. Technically accurate footwork on ice skates!!!

(It is also my second favourite men's programme ever. The only thing that beats it is Yagudin's Winter short programme [although Yagudin's Man in the Iron Mask is not bad either.])

There is a link, eventually.

I have decided that there is nothing wrong with Grimm that couldn't be fixed with better writing and an actor who can actually act in the lead role. He seems like a nice guy but he suffers from having one facial expression.

That being said, I hope they don't kill off his girlfriend or his partner, because I fear it's the kind of show that would go for that kind of drama.

On a similar tip, and I know it's finished but please no spoilers, I hope they don't kill of Aizawa in Death Note. He is also lovely. But then again most of the characters are, even the various Gods of death. It's going to be very painful when it all goes to hell when Kira is revealed.

Also on a similar tip, and containing spoilers for a book published in 1844, dear BBC Musketeers, you know how BBC shows quite frequently change the details of the things they're adapting. Could you maybe not kill off Constance? It would be the most lovely thing you could do, because I am as in love with her as D'Artagnan is and it would hurt. Also, by the by, the Milady defenders always seem to forget that she killed Constance out of sheer malice. The rest I could forgive her for, but not that.