An Interesting Question

[redfiona99]

Related to yesterday's Writer's Block - http://redfiona99.livejournal.com/640693.html

So, last time I was in London, a friend and I were talking about national days and the like, and I said that the only one I keep is Bastille Day. He said, that since I wasn't French that was a bit presumptive of me, and using the example of Cinqo de Mayo, he said that if it wasn't a festival belonging to your culture/religion/country, then you had no right to take part.

And I said, fine, I totally understood for instance me not throwing a Cinqo de Mayo party myself, but if someone invited me to their party then I'd be obliged to go, for my example I used Divali, for which one of my friends invited me to go to the big Leicester fireworks with her. Now, I have no connection to Divali, but I got invited, and not turning up would be insulting to my friend and to her religion.

He disagreed, saying that I was only being invited out of politeness and that I ought to have declined, his example being that he'd been taken to a 4th of July party by his now ex-girlfriend where he was the only non-American and he'd felt really out of place and unwanted. I've never had an experience like that.

So, I was wondering what anybody else thought.

Comments

[evilgmbethy.livejournal.com]

what's interesting about Cinco de Mayo is that it's not really very observed in Mexico. It's more of a US holiday to celebrate Mexican heritage.

I can only speak for my own national holiday, but I'd be happy to invite any of my non-American friends to what my vision of what 4th of July is. I don't feel like it's sacred and ~no outsiders allowed omg~! 4th of July for me is being with people you care about and celebrating the goodness of the life we have. I'd like to think anyone would feel welcome and happy at the parties my family traditionally has for the 4th -- I mean who doesn't like fireworks over the lake and burgers and sparklers and roasted corn on the cob?

I guess it depends on the context of what the specific holiday means -- what is it honoring? For the US, it's the Declaration of Independence, which is a document that stands for a lot of really great things, and it's just a pretty positive holiday all around. It's not like we're memorializing some great and serious tragedy, and in that case I might see it as a bit more serious. So I'd take it on a case-by-case basis I guess.

[redfiona99.livejournal.com]

>>what's interesting about Cinco de Mayo is that it's not really very observed in Mexico. It's more of a US holiday to celebrate Mexican heritage.<< Ooh, that I didn't know.

>>For the US, it's the Declaration of Independence, which is a document that stands for a lot of really great things, and it's just a pretty positive holiday all around. It's not like we're memorializing some great and serious tragedy, and in that case I might see it as a bit more serious.<<

Very good point.

[wishtheworst.livejournal.com]

Like evilgmbethy said, I don't think the 4th is typically treated as a super serious holiday by most -- I've never been to a 4th celebration that wasn't mostly about eating, drinking, and fireworks. It sounds like your friend's experience was somewhat atypical.

I think if your friends invited you to Divali, she wanted you to come and you were well within your rights to go. It's not as if you inserted yourself and she felt she had no choice but to bring you along.

[redfiona99.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was a 4th of July party that was hosted by 4 Marines, which might not have helped.

[idleleaves.livejournal.com]

I totally disagree with your friend--he's being exclusionary (and that may have something to do with why he felt so out of place at that 4th party). Maybe his ex only invited him out of politeness, but that doesn't mean everyone on the planet always has the same motivations. Some people love sharing culture and celebrations with friends/loved ones, and I think that's a great thing, honestly.

I don't think there's anything wrong with celebrating holidays that originate with a culture/country not your own, especially if your friends invite you to take part. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to go to a celebration/ritual/service that they're not comfortable with, but if they do decide to attend, there's no reason to automatically assume "outsider" and "not wanted".

It does kinda depend on the holidays, too. Celebrations/parties/fireworks/etc. I wouldn't have any qualms over. Solemn religious/spiritual/memorial events, though, well, that's a little different. I'd likely, personally, not feel comfortable in that kind of situation (and would therefore likely find some way to politely decline), but I wouldn't assume that the friend who invited me was doing it only because it was the done thing rather than because s/he wanted me there.

I wonder if your friend would find fault with my flags. I fly two outside my home, and only one is Canadian.

[redfiona99.livejournal.com]

>>he's being exclusionary (and that may have something to do with why he felt so out of place at that 4th party). << He's also very himself, which is not a bad thing but occasionally rubs other people up the wrong way. I did also suggest that if his friends were only inviting him to be polite he needed better friends.