Help, compadres, I require advice

[redfiona99]

Okay, a situation, of the traditional kind of hypothetical.

You have a friend, and they have a significant other. The significant other doesn't beat them, but their conduct basically is emotional abusive.

It goes the way of the traditional cycle:

Significant other yells at them.
They take it.
Significant other yells.
They take it.
Significant other yells.
They decide not to take it.
Significant other apologises and swears never to do it again.
All is good for about 5 hours before cycle repeats.

Nothing they do is ever right, food is either over-cooked or under-cooked. They ask too many questions or not enough. They use the wrong tone.

What can I do to help?

Resources or suggestions gratefully welcomed.

Comments

[angstbunny.livejournal.com]

From experience and from just about most "professional" advice I've seen, there really isn't much you can do to help. In a hypothetical situation like that, all you can do is be there for your friend should they need a shoulder or an ear. Sadly, most of the time, if you try to intervene in any way, you're a busybody, or somebody who just doesn't understand, the third party objector who ironically reinforces the relationship because you become their common enemy. It's only when your friend is willing to not to take it anymore and really freakin' mean it this time, no backsies, and only THEN would there be any actual progress.

In the meantime, you listen and comfort, you're just there, so when the time comes when your friend really truly can't take it anymore, they'll know that you'll be there to help and won't judge them for it, and that will give them an additional boost of courage to end the relationship.

It's a VERY fine line though, between comforting and enabling, too, so there's that to watch out for as well.

[redfiona99.livejournal.com]

>>It's a VERY fine line though, between comforting and enabling, too, so there's that to watch out for as well.<< That's part of the problem, that, and the whole cycle takes about six months and I start getting very upset with her (and pissed off at him, which I know is victim blaming, but grr!) about month 3.

[angstbunny.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's really difficult to be supportive when you see your friend repeating the cycle over and over. It's kinda like OMG WHY WON'T YOU LEARN??? But a person has to want to help themselves before you can help them, and that's the hardest part. There is really in essence nothing you can do until the other person wants to be helped.

[biorhythm.livejournal.com]

Getting involved usually makes things worse, but I would start introducing your friend to other single men/women often. Take the friend out without the SO as much as you can without it looking obvious.