Writer's Block: Bite Me

[redfiona99]

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You think they wrote this for me or what?

I am not ashamed to say I have a vampire thing, and most people in RL know about it - the fantastic Dr. Stu even gave me his SFX Vampire special. So yes, this is going to be an interesting question to answer.

First of all, do they mean bitten or 'bitten' because while I have no idea what Bram Stoker intended (and yes, I know that Dracula wasn't the first vampire novel), enough other variants have played with the idea of feeding crossed with contact with what is both an intimate and erongenous zone.



You have your 30 Days of Night type, or your Reaver (Blade 2) type, Dusk Til Dawn verse vamps or your zombie vamp virus type (I Am Legend, which I know aren't strictly vampires), all of which are a little too Nosferatu-like for my tastes.

Then you have your Anne Rice, pale and beautiful type, which I can't carry off either. Ditto John Carpenter's Vampires.

This thankfully still leaves me with quite a lot of vampires to pick from.




Because, well, that's what most of the vampire angst comes down to.

I'd probably rather not, but most of the vampires in popular culture don't need to kill to feed (Dracula certainly doesn't, the Buffy vampires have been shown not to need to etc). It does seem to rule out some of my favourite literary vampires, the ones in Goth Opera (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Goth-Opera-Doctor-Missing-Adventures/dp/0426204182/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1248734293&sr=8-1) who I think do need to kill. Must buy a copy of that book at some point.

It also rules out Roxula (tm cleolinda) from Van Helsing, which is a shame, and the vampires from Ultraviolet, the TV show.



Of course, all that being said, it still leaves me with quite a lot of vampires. However, modern vampires, being weedy little emo vamps, seem to object to vamping other people. So I'd have to narrow it down to the vampires who would actually choose to turn people (which knocks out most of the Buffy vampires, certainly all the ones I'd actually want to have anything to do with). It also rules out Mitchell in either version of Being Human, although given the reason he turned Lauren (he has trouble separating feeding and sex and boy, do they enjoy using that one in that show), um, yeah. I'll just go with um, yeah. Then you get the problem of their intentions - so no, La Croix, I will not be used in your most recent attempt to wind Nick Knight up.

And then the consequences, certainly in the Blood Ties/Vicky Nelson/Tanya Huff books and TV show (damn you for cancelling it, whoever was in charge), you can't stand to be in the same town and vampires get very territorial, and I think, if I hadn't already ruled the Anne Rice vamps out on general principle, the same goes for them.

So I have a possible short list:

Dracula (Buffy version or Frank Lagella version), especially the Buffy version, Rudolph Martin is exceptionally attractive and his Dracula is nigh on unkillable.

Drake of Blade 3 fame.

Grampa from the Munsters, although it's possibly genetic in his case.

And of course, I can't leave out my favourite, who drinks/eats soap instead, but sadly I happen to know vampirism in that 'verse is genetic, plus Vlad is tiny and green but damn it, if I'm going to be a vampire, I want to be one with Vlad the Drac - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Vlad-Drac-Ann-Jungman/dp/1903015227/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1248735490&sr=8-1