I am not allowed telekinesis
Feb. 4th, 2019 11:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
redfiona99One of those frequent questions is "what superpower would you like?"
After a year and a quarter of commuting, I have discovered the answer is telekinesis.
Admittedly after a year and a quarter of commuting I have discovered that telekinesis is the one superpower I am not allowed to have. Because I would be dangerous. There would be people flying everywhere.
I have used the public transport in several cities in the UK and a chunk of Europe, so when I say the people who use public transport in Birmingham are the worst, I speak from a place of knowledge. And they are. There are several types of people who will be the first to be thrown about when I develop frustration-born telekinesis. In no particular order:
1 - The sentinels. You know the people, they get on the train and then stop and stand right in the doorway so you can't get on. No-one can get on. Because woe betide you have to take three more steps to get off, sunny Jim. (I say this because they are overwhelmingly male.)
The other reason these people are a problem is that, without fail, they stand in front of the button that opens the door. This wouldn't be a problem if they realised this, and didn't give you evil glares when you have the temerity to ask them to open the door when you reach your stop.
2 - The aisle blockers. Closely related to the sentinels, this group also believe that where they've stopped they'll stay, only they've at least understood they have to *move down the train*. Unfortunately they stop about 3 steps down the train, and refuse to move any further down the train, meaning people can't get on. Normally they have a huge gap around them, which is particularly frustrating when you are stuck on the platform trying to get on.
These people can at least be moved, provided someone is willing shout at them to "move down the aisle". As I am 5 foot 2 and not a convincing shouter, that creates a problem. Those people who will shout on my behalf will be rewarded with their favourite chocolates floated to them, when I develop my telekinetic powers.
3 - The people who crush towards the door as people are trying to get off. If you do not let people off, you cannot get on, you feather-brained morons.
4 - The people who apparently have never been on a train before, because the minute they step on they are confused by the whole process. They are different to the sentinels and the aisle blockers, because this lot will move, you just have to give them 5 seconds to remember how trains function.
5 - The people who don't seem to understand that other people want to get off this train. There is a secondary subset of these people, who don't respond to "please, can I get past, this is my stop." They are deeply annoying.
6 - The flaming idiots in charge who have reduced the rush hour trains to 3 carriages each. This is NOT ENOUGH.
7 - People who try to move through the very packed train while we're between stations. Where do you think you're going?! I mean, I get it for visitors, because there's always a brief pause before University and Five Ways which would confuse you and make you think the train is stopping but when it's someone who is on the train every day, I feel like saying, "you are making an uncomfortable situation worse!"
It is probably better for the general good that I don't have telekinesis.
After a year and a quarter of commuting, I have discovered the answer is telekinesis.
Admittedly after a year and a quarter of commuting I have discovered that telekinesis is the one superpower I am not allowed to have. Because I would be dangerous. There would be people flying everywhere.
I have used the public transport in several cities in the UK and a chunk of Europe, so when I say the people who use public transport in Birmingham are the worst, I speak from a place of knowledge. And they are. There are several types of people who will be the first to be thrown about when I develop frustration-born telekinesis. In no particular order:
1 - The sentinels. You know the people, they get on the train and then stop and stand right in the doorway so you can't get on. No-one can get on. Because woe betide you have to take three more steps to get off, sunny Jim. (I say this because they are overwhelmingly male.)
The other reason these people are a problem is that, without fail, they stand in front of the button that opens the door. This wouldn't be a problem if they realised this, and didn't give you evil glares when you have the temerity to ask them to open the door when you reach your stop.
2 - The aisle blockers. Closely related to the sentinels, this group also believe that where they've stopped they'll stay, only they've at least understood they have to *move down the train*. Unfortunately they stop about 3 steps down the train, and refuse to move any further down the train, meaning people can't get on. Normally they have a huge gap around them, which is particularly frustrating when you are stuck on the platform trying to get on.
These people can at least be moved, provided someone is willing shout at them to "move down the aisle". As I am 5 foot 2 and not a convincing shouter, that creates a problem. Those people who will shout on my behalf will be rewarded with their favourite chocolates floated to them, when I develop my telekinetic powers.
3 - The people who crush towards the door as people are trying to get off. If you do not let people off, you cannot get on, you feather-brained morons.
4 - The people who apparently have never been on a train before, because the minute they step on they are confused by the whole process. They are different to the sentinels and the aisle blockers, because this lot will move, you just have to give them 5 seconds to remember how trains function.
5 - The people who don't seem to understand that other people want to get off this train. There is a secondary subset of these people, who don't respond to "please, can I get past, this is my stop." They are deeply annoying.
6 - The flaming idiots in charge who have reduced the rush hour trains to 3 carriages each. This is NOT ENOUGH.
7 - People who try to move through the very packed train while we're between stations. Where do you think you're going?! I mean, I get it for visitors, because there's always a brief pause before University and Five Ways which would confuse you and make you think the train is stopping but when it's someone who is on the train every day, I feel like saying, "you are making an uncomfortable situation worse!"
It is probably better for the general good that I don't have telekinesis.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 02:41 am (UTC)*The exceptions are very, very drunk men in suits who will wander wherever, and very tiny, very old ladies who will shove you if need be. But they're easy to spot and everyone just avoids them.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-07 07:14 pm (UTC)At least no one is smoking or boozing, possibly because there's not enough space. Colleague D has written a letter of complaint to the train company but we doubt it will do any good.