Fic - Things We Do Not Say (4/?)
Feb. 12th, 2010 09:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
redfiona99Author: Red Fiona
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, their situation or the worlds they travel in, CLAMP do. No money is being made from this piece of fiction.
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles.
Characters: Fai and Kurogane, with mention of Sakura and Sayoran as well as others.
Rating: PG to PG-12, nothing worse than what's in the manga.
Content: Romance, drama and Fai/Kurogane slash.
Spoilers: Up chapter 163.
Previous chapters: Chapter 1 - http://redfiona99.livejournal.com/525492.html
Chapter 2 - http://redfiona99.livejournal.com/538051.html
Chapter 3 - http://redfiona99.livejournal.com/592814.html
Summary: It's love that will destroy us all.
~~~~
He wasn’t going to let this happen. Fai was not going to die, not without a fight, and if Fai wouldn’t fight, Kurogane would fight for him. He hadn’t been able to do anything about what happened to his mother and father, except for swearing vengeance, but, he could do something about this.
The witch would have a way.
~~~~
She did.
And for once she hadn’t lied about the price, well, at least not directly.
The whole chain of wishes had been paid for by Sakura, and Fai was alive. The witch had also been telling Kurogane the truth when she’d said Fai might never forgive him for saving him, and the manner in which he’d done it. Kurogane was less sure about everything else she’d told them, this nonsense about hitsuzen be damned, one day he would meet her again and he’d explain to her the principle of need to know. He needed to know everything in order to do anything useful. It was like trying to fight against an enemy with one arm tied behind your back – it could be done, but why give him such an advantage.
It was nearly time for Fai to feed again.
It had been easier to make Fai eat earlier on, when he was not fully healed. Fai had decided he was well enough to travel; a decision Kurogane assumed was based on the knowledge that the other Sayoran was out there collecting feathers and that they had to stop him, and while Kurogane doubted Fai was as healthy as he was pretending to be, he wasn’t going to argue with Fai because, tactically, Fai was right. The rest of them could protect the Princess without Fai, and they couldn’t spare the time to wait for him to get better.
Originally, all Kurogane had had to do was to open his wrists. Fai would latch on and drink deep, because he couldn’t resist, he needed the blood and his mind was powerless to stop his body. Fai never drank too deeply, and as long as Kurogane ate and drank enough, the process had no negative effects on Kurogane.
The process was a simple one, and relatively painless for Kurogane once he had made the initial cut. Despite being messy eaters – he’d had to hold Fai’s hair out of the way quite often at the start – vampires seemed to be able to take only what they needed when they so chose and their feeding didn’t hurt. Kurogane thought it could be like mosquitoes that inject their victim with something to prevent them noticing the mosquitoes feeding. They also seemed to secrete something to allow quick healing of the cuts that they had been drinking from. The wounds on his wrist didn’t scar, and healed quicker than the other ones he’d received around the same time.
But that had been before. Once Fai regained his strength, he tried, stubbornly, to not drink any more of Kurogane’s blood. That had failed after an attack by bandits on one world left Fai with a gaping wound in his side. The injury seemed to reawaken his thirst, and he latched on like his life depended on it, but the uncontrollable need ended once Fai was healed.
Since then, it had become ever more difficult to make Fai take blood. Kurogane frequently had to resort to opening his wrists and letting his blood drip temptingly until Fai couldn’t help himself. He could feel Fai’s hunger from across the room, and he could feel the bitter bile of Fai’s hatred when he did finally feed.
~~~~
Fai wanted to hate Kurogane, but he couldn’t, so he raged at him instead. Cold, furious unblinking rage, cloaked in politeness.
Fai thought his father could have loved them, if it hadn’t been for the curse, and he knew his brother loved him, and that love, better, stronger, deeper than Fai’s, had got him killed, because Fai was utterly unworthy of that love.
Ashura loved him and he thinks he loved Ashura, and that love blinded him to the things that Ashura did for far too long.
He swore off love. He would never love again, and he’d never let anyone love him again. It was too dangerous. Love did terrible things to people, made them do awful things.
He never meant to fall in love with Kurogane. The ninja was rude, loud, angry and overbearing; he needed taking down a peg or two and he was just too serious not to mock. Fai had spent a lot of time watching Kurogane so that he could time his stunts just so, and he’d noticed the quiet kindnesses that Kurogane performed and that he was exactly the same kind of rude to everyone be they prince or pauper. Kurogane was also brave, in a way that Fai could never have been, morally as well as physically.
They also spent more time together because they were, theoretically, the responsible adults of the party and someone had to try and look after the children. They’d talk and plan about things like food and clothing, especially when it looked like Sayoran was about to go chasing after the feather with no thought about what they’d do if he didn’t find it within a couple of hours. Those times were curiously satisfying, like he was building something beautiful.
He should have resisted, turned cold the minute he realised the depths of his feelings. But it was too comfortable. Because Kurogane responded to things, flying off into rages or listening to what he had to say, and it was fun. Was that so much to ask for! A touch of human kindness, everyone, even someone as base as him deserved that much.
Even if he couldn’t stop himself, he should have stopped once Kurogane responded. But he was weak and only human. Who could resist all that?
He knows Kurogane loved him, and that was why he saved Fai’s life. How much easier would their task have been if the other Sayoran were unable to use the magic that he would be growing into now? Fai would gladly have sacrificed his life to stop Sakura being hurt further. Given the power that Sayoran could now wield, Kurogane’s love could have damned them all. For all Fai knew, his weakness had caused untold further damage.
Fai couldn’t hate Kurogane, he loved him desperately, but he could hate himself, and be so angry that Kurogane had exhibit the same weakness as him. Kurogane was a better man than he could ever hope to be, how could they share the same flaw?
End Note: And now there will be an extended hiatus because I've mislaid volumes 18-21 and I need them for the next part.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, their situation or the worlds they travel in, CLAMP do. No money is being made from this piece of fiction.
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles.
Characters: Fai and Kurogane, with mention of Sakura and Sayoran as well as others.
Rating: PG to PG-12, nothing worse than what's in the manga.
Content: Romance, drama and Fai/Kurogane slash.
Spoilers: Up chapter 163.
Previous chapters: Chapter 1 - http://redfiona99.livejournal.com/525492.html
Chapter 2 - http://redfiona99.livejournal.com/538051.html
Chapter 3 - http://redfiona99.livejournal.com/592814.html
Summary: It's love that will destroy us all.
~~~~
He wasn’t going to let this happen. Fai was not going to die, not without a fight, and if Fai wouldn’t fight, Kurogane would fight for him. He hadn’t been able to do anything about what happened to his mother and father, except for swearing vengeance, but, he could do something about this.
The witch would have a way.
~~~~
She did.
And for once she hadn’t lied about the price, well, at least not directly.
The whole chain of wishes had been paid for by Sakura, and Fai was alive. The witch had also been telling Kurogane the truth when she’d said Fai might never forgive him for saving him, and the manner in which he’d done it. Kurogane was less sure about everything else she’d told them, this nonsense about hitsuzen be damned, one day he would meet her again and he’d explain to her the principle of need to know. He needed to know everything in order to do anything useful. It was like trying to fight against an enemy with one arm tied behind your back – it could be done, but why give him such an advantage.
It was nearly time for Fai to feed again.
It had been easier to make Fai eat earlier on, when he was not fully healed. Fai had decided he was well enough to travel; a decision Kurogane assumed was based on the knowledge that the other Sayoran was out there collecting feathers and that they had to stop him, and while Kurogane doubted Fai was as healthy as he was pretending to be, he wasn’t going to argue with Fai because, tactically, Fai was right. The rest of them could protect the Princess without Fai, and they couldn’t spare the time to wait for him to get better.
Originally, all Kurogane had had to do was to open his wrists. Fai would latch on and drink deep, because he couldn’t resist, he needed the blood and his mind was powerless to stop his body. Fai never drank too deeply, and as long as Kurogane ate and drank enough, the process had no negative effects on Kurogane.
The process was a simple one, and relatively painless for Kurogane once he had made the initial cut. Despite being messy eaters – he’d had to hold Fai’s hair out of the way quite often at the start – vampires seemed to be able to take only what they needed when they so chose and their feeding didn’t hurt. Kurogane thought it could be like mosquitoes that inject their victim with something to prevent them noticing the mosquitoes feeding. They also seemed to secrete something to allow quick healing of the cuts that they had been drinking from. The wounds on his wrist didn’t scar, and healed quicker than the other ones he’d received around the same time.
But that had been before. Once Fai regained his strength, he tried, stubbornly, to not drink any more of Kurogane’s blood. That had failed after an attack by bandits on one world left Fai with a gaping wound in his side. The injury seemed to reawaken his thirst, and he latched on like his life depended on it, but the uncontrollable need ended once Fai was healed.
Since then, it had become ever more difficult to make Fai take blood. Kurogane frequently had to resort to opening his wrists and letting his blood drip temptingly until Fai couldn’t help himself. He could feel Fai’s hunger from across the room, and he could feel the bitter bile of Fai’s hatred when he did finally feed.
~~~~
Fai wanted to hate Kurogane, but he couldn’t, so he raged at him instead. Cold, furious unblinking rage, cloaked in politeness.
Fai thought his father could have loved them, if it hadn’t been for the curse, and he knew his brother loved him, and that love, better, stronger, deeper than Fai’s, had got him killed, because Fai was utterly unworthy of that love.
Ashura loved him and he thinks he loved Ashura, and that love blinded him to the things that Ashura did for far too long.
He swore off love. He would never love again, and he’d never let anyone love him again. It was too dangerous. Love did terrible things to people, made them do awful things.
He never meant to fall in love with Kurogane. The ninja was rude, loud, angry and overbearing; he needed taking down a peg or two and he was just too serious not to mock. Fai had spent a lot of time watching Kurogane so that he could time his stunts just so, and he’d noticed the quiet kindnesses that Kurogane performed and that he was exactly the same kind of rude to everyone be they prince or pauper. Kurogane was also brave, in a way that Fai could never have been, morally as well as physically.
They also spent more time together because they were, theoretically, the responsible adults of the party and someone had to try and look after the children. They’d talk and plan about things like food and clothing, especially when it looked like Sayoran was about to go chasing after the feather with no thought about what they’d do if he didn’t find it within a couple of hours. Those times were curiously satisfying, like he was building something beautiful.
He should have resisted, turned cold the minute he realised the depths of his feelings. But it was too comfortable. Because Kurogane responded to things, flying off into rages or listening to what he had to say, and it was fun. Was that so much to ask for! A touch of human kindness, everyone, even someone as base as him deserved that much.
Even if he couldn’t stop himself, he should have stopped once Kurogane responded. But he was weak and only human. Who could resist all that?
He knows Kurogane loved him, and that was why he saved Fai’s life. How much easier would their task have been if the other Sayoran were unable to use the magic that he would be growing into now? Fai would gladly have sacrificed his life to stop Sakura being hurt further. Given the power that Sayoran could now wield, Kurogane’s love could have damned them all. For all Fai knew, his weakness had caused untold further damage.
Fai couldn’t hate Kurogane, he loved him desperately, but he could hate himself, and be so angry that Kurogane had exhibit the same weakness as him. Kurogane was a better man than he could ever hope to be, how could they share the same flaw?
End Note: And now there will be an extended hiatus because I've mislaid volumes 18-21 and I need them for the next part.
