DVD Meme Response
Nov. 16th, 2009 12:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
redfiona99Twig asked for a snippet from Cover Versions. Fic snippets are in italics, my comments in normal font. The fic is NC-17, so are some of my comments.
He withdrew from her slowly. It had been good, no need to end it badly.
There's this thing in a lot of smut fic where 'and then he withdrew, leaving a slightly empty painful feeling behind'. And that just never tallied with either my own experiences or with the way I have had male friends describe the experience. I think the quote one particular friend used was 'like taking glass out of a vice' (in his defence, I had asked and he'd been in the same class as me for resistant materials [woodwork and plastics]). So yes, if there's any sudden gasping here, bad things are happening, and I think Randy in this prides himself on being good at sex, so he's going to do it properly.
He levered himself up, pushing against the mirror, putting the least pressure on her that he could. He hadn't banged her too hard against the wardrobe, it wasn't cracked and neither was she.
When I started writing this is was during the period when the dirtsheets were constantly blaring 'Randy Orton trashes another hotel room'. While Randy in this would no doubt happily trash a hotel room if he felt like it, I think he'd prefer to avoid paying for it again over a one night stand, ditto hurting women. It's not that he wouldn't do either of those things, it's that it's too much bother to do them then.
Once she'd got herself together, they'd both had a coke from the hotel mini-bar; he helped her back into her clothes, well, as much as she'd let him. It was a long process, they'd exchanged oral by the time she'd got her bra and panties back on, and had intercourse as she got back into her spaghetti-strapped top.
It was always going to be a one night stand, but I was left with a problem of what happened next. Does she stay the night and walk the next day - highly unlikely - or does she go then? If she goes then how do I get her out of the door? Part of it got sorted by looking at it as 'she only wants a one night stand too and has somewhere else to be'. But I still needed to shove her out of the door. The coke thing was supposed to be a transition point while she was putting her clothes on, there may well have been conversation during it, but I have no idea what it was.
Randy, when I write him, is very handsy, and gets bored easily, and couldn't help himself while she's getting dressed. Of course, she knows what he's up to and lets him.
The reason I don't go into details is that I find nothing more boring than fics with extraneous pointless sex scenes, and yeah, this is nothing more than a PWP really, but it still has to have purpose and there would be no purpose to the extra sex scenes, they add no character or atmosphere, so they don't need to be there.
The spaghetti-strapped top gave me kittens because I didn't know if they had the same connotations on the other side of the Atlantic, because they're not tarty but they're not smart either and its something you wear to go out in. Also, I didn't even know if they were called that in North America. So far I've had no corrections but yeah, if they're not called that I'd be obliged if people told me. Which goes for any mistakes I haven't picked up on. I do try to not make any obvious cultural/geographical errors, but I have no doubt they're there.
By that time, they were worn-out so she was very responsive, and he used his fingers to give his cock a hand getting her off.
I do try to be realistic ;)
Three times in one night wasn't a bad show, and he still ought to be able to do it again tomorrow night. He didn't think that the rat he picked up tomorrow night would be quite as good in bed, or rather not in bed, because that was about the only place they hadn't had sex in this room, as tonight's girl had been. Maybe he'd see her again next time they blew through town, whenever that was. Probably not. Still ... she'd been damn good.
There is no way that Randy will ever see her again, because of a mixture of him being a prat, he doesn't know her name or anything about her, and because they're never in the same place twice in quick succession. And I think he knows that, and is acknowledging that there are some downsides to the way he lives his life.
It still left the problem of exactly how he was going to clean the stains from the mirror. He went to sleep figuring he could leave it, it wouldn't be the worst thing he'd ever done to a hotel room, and it wasn't like this was the Ritz or anything.
I know it's totally icky, but I really can't imagine Randy cleaning up, and, while I've always been lucky with hotels, I can imagine that, in trying to save money, Randy probably wasn't in the best hotel ever, or even the kind where anyone notices extraneous smears.
He withdrew from her slowly. It had been good, no need to end it badly.
There's this thing in a lot of smut fic where 'and then he withdrew, leaving a slightly empty painful feeling behind'. And that just never tallied with either my own experiences or with the way I have had male friends describe the experience. I think the quote one particular friend used was 'like taking glass out of a vice' (in his defence, I had asked and he'd been in the same class as me for resistant materials [woodwork and plastics]). So yes, if there's any sudden gasping here, bad things are happening, and I think Randy in this prides himself on being good at sex, so he's going to do it properly.
He levered himself up, pushing against the mirror, putting the least pressure on her that he could. He hadn't banged her too hard against the wardrobe, it wasn't cracked and neither was she.
When I started writing this is was during the period when the dirtsheets were constantly blaring 'Randy Orton trashes another hotel room'. While Randy in this would no doubt happily trash a hotel room if he felt like it, I think he'd prefer to avoid paying for it again over a one night stand, ditto hurting women. It's not that he wouldn't do either of those things, it's that it's too much bother to do them then.
Once she'd got herself together, they'd both had a coke from the hotel mini-bar; he helped her back into her clothes, well, as much as she'd let him. It was a long process, they'd exchanged oral by the time she'd got her bra and panties back on, and had intercourse as she got back into her spaghetti-strapped top.
It was always going to be a one night stand, but I was left with a problem of what happened next. Does she stay the night and walk the next day - highly unlikely - or does she go then? If she goes then how do I get her out of the door? Part of it got sorted by looking at it as 'she only wants a one night stand too and has somewhere else to be'. But I still needed to shove her out of the door. The coke thing was supposed to be a transition point while she was putting her clothes on, there may well have been conversation during it, but I have no idea what it was.
Randy, when I write him, is very handsy, and gets bored easily, and couldn't help himself while she's getting dressed. Of course, she knows what he's up to and lets him.
The reason I don't go into details is that I find nothing more boring than fics with extraneous pointless sex scenes, and yeah, this is nothing more than a PWP really, but it still has to have purpose and there would be no purpose to the extra sex scenes, they add no character or atmosphere, so they don't need to be there.
The spaghetti-strapped top gave me kittens because I didn't know if they had the same connotations on the other side of the Atlantic, because they're not tarty but they're not smart either and its something you wear to go out in. Also, I didn't even know if they were called that in North America. So far I've had no corrections but yeah, if they're not called that I'd be obliged if people told me. Which goes for any mistakes I haven't picked up on. I do try to not make any obvious cultural/geographical errors, but I have no doubt they're there.
By that time, they were worn-out so she was very responsive, and he used his fingers to give his cock a hand getting her off.
I do try to be realistic ;)
Three times in one night wasn't a bad show, and he still ought to be able to do it again tomorrow night. He didn't think that the rat he picked up tomorrow night would be quite as good in bed, or rather not in bed, because that was about the only place they hadn't had sex in this room, as tonight's girl had been. Maybe he'd see her again next time they blew through town, whenever that was. Probably not. Still ... she'd been damn good.
There is no way that Randy will ever see her again, because of a mixture of him being a prat, he doesn't know her name or anything about her, and because they're never in the same place twice in quick succession. And I think he knows that, and is acknowledging that there are some downsides to the way he lives his life.
It still left the problem of exactly how he was going to clean the stains from the mirror. He went to sleep figuring he could leave it, it wouldn't be the worst thing he'd ever done to a hotel room, and it wasn't like this was the Ritz or anything.
I know it's totally icky, but I really can't imagine Randy cleaning up, and, while I've always been lucky with hotels, I can imagine that, in trying to save money, Randy probably wasn't in the best hotel ever, or even the kind where anyone notices extraneous smears.
