redfiona99 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
redfiona99) wrote2022-09-12 08:58 pm
redfiona99) wrote2022-09-12 08:58 pm
Entry tags:
Fic - What He'd Never Thought To Want (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)
Title: What He'd Never Thought To Want
Author: Red Fiona
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, CLAMP and their publishers do, and no money is being made from this.
Characters: Kurogane, Fai, background rest of the team and Masayoshi.
Pairings: Kurogane/Fai
Rating: NC-17, for sex
Notes: Post-series, established relationship fic. Or "every Tsubasa writer writes at least one furisode fic," this is mine.
Tags: identity porn, clothes porn
Summary: After seeing Kurogane's reaction to him in a furisode, Fai dresses up for Kurogane. Both of them get carried away.
~~~~
In many ways, it had started on a different world.
The world had been both something like Kurogane's Nihon and not at all like it at the same time. It was as though someone had drawn a line from Nihon to Piffle-world and placed the world half-way between them, in its customs, clothing and technology. While they were there, looking for somewhere the clones could be reborn and live in peace, there was a town festival and the local tradition was to dress in old-fashioned clothes for the festivities. Kurogane wouldn't have minded that part, the traditional clothes looked almost exactly like Nihon's and Kurogane had missed some things about his old clothes. Not enough to complain, but enough to enjoy the chance of wearing something like them again. So, he would have looked forward to it, if he hadn't known that Fai and Mokona would use it as an excuse for their usual silliness.
Fai took advantage of the tradition and took them all clothes shopping, leading a marginally disgruntled ninja, because Kurogane knew this would end in ridiculousness, and a curious Sayoran to the local shopping centre to try to find some suitable clothes.
Sayoran's attention was distracted by a beaded necklace made of a turquoise stone. As they travelled through the worlds, Sayoran collected things to give to Sakura. Mostly it was small things, rocks and flowers and local fabrics, but sometimes it was small items of jewellery. A few worlds ago, Sayoran had been given a bracelet for Sakura. They'd helped a town survive a scarecrow onslaught, and a small child had given Sayoran a bracelet made from seeds. Sayoran had thanked the child, but the child had returned with a second bracelet, "and this one is for the one you miss." They've visited Sakura since and she wore the bracelet every day. This necklace would complement the bracelet well.
Kurogane knew the price of the necklace would be the only thing that might dissuade Sayoran, and was trying to figure out a way of giving Sayoran some money towards it without embarrassing the boy. They'd been working hard on this world as Sayoran hunted for information. They had the money to spare.
Kurogane was, in short, distracted. He hadn't seen Fai vanish into the changing rooms, or what clothes he'd gone in there with. He did, however, see Fai come out of the changing room.
It was ... obscene was the only word that Kurogane could think of. With long, draping arms, the sky-blue silk of the body of the furisode fitted closely to Fai's body. The sheen made it look like Fai had been swimming in the fabric, as though the silk had mixed with the water and had been painted on. At least, it looked like that until you reached the collar. The white collar opened so invitingly, loose enough that it was practically pleading with you to slide your hand in and touch.
Kurogane dropped the money into Sayoran's hands. Or at least he dropped it, he didn't check to see if Sayoran caught it. He was too busy shouting at Fai. He could feel a blush rising, and was hoping that people would put the redness of his cheeks down to anger.
"What do you think you're wearing?"
"It is rather fetching, isn't it, Kuro-pon?"
"You're not going out in public dressed like that?!"
Fai's features were carrying a quizzical smirk. He didn't know why Kurogane was quite so infuriated. Kurogane was relieved, he might survive this argument with something left of his dignity if Fai didn't know.
Then one of the shop attendants giggled, turned and whispered something to her equally elderly colleague, who also giggled and oh the hell of it was, they knew that he was blushing and why. Their mockery was gentle, but he was being laughed at by two women old enough to be his grandmother, and most mortifying of all, they knew.
For a brief moment, Kurogane did wonder if it was possible to die of embarrassment. Either that, or whether he could run away and live as a hermit in the hills for at least a month, until everyone forgot the whole thing, if you could ever forget Fai dressed like that.
Fai turned to ask the ladies for an explanation, and oh, the curve of his back, the shape of fabric as it clung to him and then exposed the nape of his neck. Well, not exposed, Fai wore his hair down, but that was more tantalising because there was only a glimpse of skin through golden waves of hair, and Kurogane knew he was standing in the middle of a shop, mouth gaping open stupidly, utterly lost.
The first of the two ladies whispered an explanation to Fai. Kurogane couldn't hear it but knew that that was what it must have been because of the cat-like smile that appeared on Fai's face. "Oh," Fai said, and grinned. Kurogane was doomed, that grin promised mischief.
Fai whispered something to the shop attendant, and returned to the changing room. Kurogane was worried what he'd come out dressed in next, because he couldn't see what the shop assistant was bringing for Fai to try on.
Kurogane was ever so relieved when it was a much more sensible yukata that Fai came out wearing next. Even in his relief, Kurogane noticed that Fai bought the furisode, had it wrapped up, paper rustling round silk, and put in a box to take away with the yukata.
He put the knowledge to the back of his mind, especially when the festival passed without the furisode reappearing. He didn't forget the furisode, it wandered through his fantasies, and it was a reliable companion when he masturbated, but it was a long time before Kurogane saw it again.
They were back in Hanshin. This time, they were staying in their own flat, because Arashi had enough to handle with Sorata and a small child. They're back because Sayoran thought he’d found a lead on somewhere they might be able to re-embody the clones. Sayoran was chasing the information through endless books, and as luck would have it, Masayoshi's father was the head librarian of the library that holds the books. The books were dusty and unused because they dealt with fantasies and improbabilities. No-one on this world thought they could be useful. And maybe they weren't to anyone else, but they could be vital for them.
Masayoshi had aged several years in the time they were away, and was acting as assistant librarian over the school summer holiday. Masayoshi had invited Sayoran to stay the night at his house.
Kurogane was against it. If anything happened to Sayoran during the night, they would be too far away to save him.
Fai was being no help. "But Kuro-daddy, children have to grow up some time." Kurogane could have done with less sarcasm. He supposed it was Fai's way of telling him he was being ridiculous, and probably the kindest way Fai had when they were in company.
They spoke about it afterwards, when Sayoran had left for the library that day. Fai pointed out that they weren't going with him to the library, and that was further away than Masayoshi's house. It wasn't the same, and Fai knew that, but he also had a point. Kurogane was old enough to know that night wasn't necessarily any more dangerous than day, and Sayoran fought well enough to defend himself, but still ... what if someone attacked him while he slept?
"It'll do him good to have friends his own age." Fai had had no sort of childhood, and Kurogane's had been cut short. If they could give him this, they probably should.
"Hmm!"
"You just have to accept that you can't always be there with him."
"Hmm!" Kurogane might have to accept it, but he didn't have to accept it graciously.
In the end, he let Sayoran go, after Mokona promised to use one of their not-so-secret techniques to raise the alarm if necessary.
Both Sayoran and Masayoshi said thank you, and Mokona bounced out of the door after them, shouting about having talked Kuro-daddy into letting Mokona join the sleepover. Kurogane was almost certain that Fai and Mokona had planned this between them, and spent most of the evening grousing about the nickname. Fai teased him some more, which Kurogane knew was deliberate, but he played along anyway, because he knew Fai was doing it to take his mind away from his fears about Sayoran.
He didn’t sleep that night, or hardly, listening out for Mokona's shout to tell them something terrible had happened. Fai was pretending to sleep next to him; it was good to have company on a vigil, even better to have company that was willing to pretend it wasn't happening.
Kurogane was tired the next morning, and quiet, even for him. Fai still said nothing, just smiled and pretended they hadn't both been awake all night. Kurogane was grateful for that, and the thermos flask of strong, black coffee that Fai slipped into his work-bag without comment.
Sayoran had called in the morning, as proof that nothing bad had happened, but Kurogane still wasn't satisfied until he saw Sayoran in the flat when he came back from work.
So the first sleepover had not ended in disaster. And Kurogane let himself be talked into okaying a second, and then a third, and eventually, it became a thing, about once a week, Sayoran would stay at Masayoshi's house or Masayoshi would stay with them.
It was one of those nights. Kurogane would have known anyway, because he made a note in his diary, but Sayoran, Fai *and* Mokona had also reminded him. Sayoran even called him at work to remind in the afternoon.
There was a note stuck to the front door of their flat when Kurogane returned home. It read, "Your clothes are on the bed. PS do dress nicely for dinner." Kurogane could almost see Fai's smile as he read it. He had no idea what Fai was up to, but would play along. Normally, the worst thing that happened was some small embarrassment, and mostly it ended quite pleasantly.
The kitchen and living room doors were closed, and only their bedroom door was open. Fai had laid out the black hakama, nagajuban and kimono from that other world, neatly ironed and presented. Kurogane decided that this deserved his whole effort. After a shower, he was spotlessly clean, and once dressed, he made sure that every pleat and fold was in the right place. Underneath the clothes, Fai had left another note. "When you're ready, knock on the living room door."
The door opened when Kurogane knocked. "I'll be right there. Make yourself comfortable," came Fai's voice from the kitchen. Looking around, Kurogane could see that Fai had tried to copy the layout for a tea ceremony. It wasn't exact, but he'd done his best, and Kurogane appreciated the attempt. Kurogane could hear the gentle clopping of geta against solid floor, a determined sound probably and hopefully made by someone who was making a show of having put them on just to take them off, because Fai in geta was a disaster every time.
Kurogane heard the kitchen door open, and then the living room door also opened slightly. There was the sound of shuffling and then the door opened.
Kurogane had intended to compliment Fai, and thank him for his consideration and kindness in preparing all of this, but he was struck dumb. Fai was wearing the furisode and, it turned out, Kurogane's memory had failed him. Instead of embellishing any point, it hadn't done justice to the way the fabric shone and shimmered as Fai moved or to the way it flowed as Fai's hips moved as he trod ever so carefully on the tatami mats.
Not carefully enough, as Fai started to trip and fall before righting himself. Natural grace or vampire instincts came to Fai's rescue. Kurogane had reached his arms out to catch him just in case, but thankfully he wasn't needed. Given his otherwise state of complete and utter bedazzledness, Kurogane was quite proud that his reactions were that quick.
Fai put down the tea implements. They were ... not traditional, and yet some part of Kurogane's heart leapt anyway because it's right that they have their own set. There was nothing left of any family heirlooms in Suwa and he suspected this wasn't something they did in Celes.
And of course, no true tea ceremony would be hosted by someone dressed like this. No, this would have been something altogether less formal. Which is something Fai probably knew given the amount of work that had to have gone into this.
"And what did my lord do today?"
Kurogane was trapped between two choices. He could, of course, tell Fai about his work that day, about how Ken had knocked the coffee in the pot all over the building plans, and they'd spent time trying to rescue them then replicating them when it became obvious that parts of it couldn’t be rescued, and all in all it had cost them half a day's work. Or he could invent a day; the day of a man who had enough to keep a concubine for no other purpose than his pleasure, a concubine who would eat with him and feed him and flatter him.
Kurogane chose to play along with the pretence, in honour of Fai’s effort to do all of this. He told Fai of the yield of barley in the fields, about the preparation for next year's planting, about how the cattle were faring. The details came from things he had overheard in Tomoyo's palace, he hasn’t got the imagination to create something whole cloth. For instance, he'd never had the imagination to dream of anything like this.
Fai was attentive, listening to Kurogane's story of the day and feeding him sweet treats.
Or rather, not-so-sweet treats, and Kurogane knew enough to know that Fai must have altered the recipes to suit his taste, and that if he opened the kitchen door, there would be a black apron with flour still on it. Of course, in the world Fai had conjured up, Fai would have ordered the servants to make it to his master's tastes, so Kurogane chooses to forget about the reality behind the kitchen door.
Kurogane must have been staring, not deliberately, while he was thinking, because Fai's cheeks were dusted pink with blushing, and it shouldn't have been as attractive as it was. Somehow, Fai’s blush was a shade that suited the blue, white and gold of the furisode and Kurogane couldn't help himself, he reached out to brush Fai's cheek, to kiss it, his jaw, his throat. Kurogane's hand wound its way through the hair at the nape of Fai's neck, as the other slipped inside the furisode.
Fai smiled and withdrew. The dry kiss against Kurogane's lips said 'later' as much as actual words did. "Tea first."
Fai carried the plates away, and returned with a bowl of hot water. Kurogane chose not to hear the click of the kettle, and well, if a gas burner isn't a coal fire pit, it's a matter of degree.
Fai had studied, and he was being so careful with the tea pot and bowl that Kurogane found it easy to play along.
The traditional phrases were said and the tea bowl passed between them. Under normal circumstances, Kurogane would have been happy to watch Fai drink tea for hours, the way his lips curved, the movement of his throat as he drank the tea, and the look of contentment.
They sat there in silence. Unbelievable though it may have been, Fai was capable of silence, happy silence at that. In fact, it was Kurogane who broke the silence, because these were not normal circumstances. Kurogane had gone through the motions of the ceremony, his body remembering years of repetition, even as his mind was elsewhere. It would have been rude, in a way even Kurogane wasn't normally, if the reason he wasn't paying attention hadn't been how closely he was watching Fai. He was committing the scene to memory, every shift of cloth, drape and fold. He wants, in a way he wasn't accustomed to wanting. Partly it's that what Fai was pretending they have is something they don't have, and Kurogane had accepted years ago it's something he'd never have so he'd never thought to want it, and partly that neither of them are doing anything about the wanting. They are sitting here, kneeling and wanting. Kurogane was used to Fai teasing him, but normally it was more direct than this, not from two feet away, separated by a hearth. But the effect was the same as if Fai was next to him and taking him in hand.
Fai moved to pick up the utensils they had been using for the ceremony, but Kurogane held him back. "I am sure we have servants to clean the utensils for you." Kurogane barely recognised his own voice, the words almost sticking in his throat.
"But ..."
"Leave the utensils for the servants." Kurogane will clean them and dry them and put them away, but tomorrow. He has better things to do right now. Kurogane's response caused a moment where Fai broke through the character he was playing, a split second of mirth, purely and completely Fai, pleased that he has captured Kurogane’s interest so completely, that did nothing but inflame Kurogane more. He wants, he wants, he wants.
“I will be back in a few moments.” Fai is only tidy about kitchen equipment.
When Fai returned, Kurogane feared there would be a moment of awkwardness, the spell broken, and yet, Fai had already thought of that also. He brings a cushion with him, and Kurogane will join him in pretending it's a silken pillow, because apparently, this lord he is has those lying around, to lie on and linger on with his concubine, and most importantly to rest against so his head didn't hit the floor as they lay. In this fantasy world of theirs, it would already have been there and Fai wouldn't have had to gently lay it behind Kurogane, guess where he would land when Fai did whatever it was Fai was planning.
With the cushion out of his hands, Fai knelt in front of Kurogane, and Kurogane feels that warmth again. Right now, it's mostly desire and the knowledge that his lust will soon be gratified, but underneath it, there's joy, joy that he has Fai beside him.
Fai kissed him, softly, barely, more on the corner of Kurogane's mouth than his lips, but he didn’t object when Kurogane deepened the kiss. Later is now, and it has been worth the wait. Kurogane kissed Fai's lips, his cheekbone, that soft spot underneath his right ear. Kurogane's thumb slid over Fai's lips and slipped inside when Fai's lips parted under this treatment. Kurogane's other hand was slipping down Fai's back to rest on his arse, fingers splayed across it and pulling Fai up and toward him. Kurogane had some very distinct ideas about where this is going but Fai stopped him again, with nothing more forceful than resting his hands on Kurogane's hips.
"Oh no my lord, you've worked so hard today, rest while I do this for you." It's not what they normally do, but Kurogane let Fai guide him to the floor, head landing against the damn pillow which Fai had quickly moved five inches to the left when it turned out his estimate hadn’t been quite right. Kurogane's kimono had been disarranged, and Fai kissed his way down Kurogane's chest where the nagajuban no longer covered his skin. Fai gently pulled Kurogane's black hakama down, along with the fundoshi underneath, releasing Kurogane's cock.
Kurogane had spent the past however long kneeling there half-hard. It’s what even the thought of Fai in the furisode does to him, and in the flesh, just outside of touching distance, Fai was more desirable that Kurogane remembered him being in that shop several worlds ago. Now that he was touching Kurogane, it was a pleasant sort of unbearable.
"You honour me, my lord." Kurogane has no idea how a concubine would sound saying that in this situation, but he suspects there'd be less amiable mockery. But any rude reply Kurogane might have made was cut-off when Fai started to jerk him off. It wouldn't have taken much to bring him to full hardness, but the wispy feel of the long silk sleeves against his thighs as Fai's hand moved up and down, those obscenely long, loose sleeves, it got Kurogane there even faster.
Fai released Kurogane's cock with a kiss to the tip. He scooted up Kurogane's body, knees spread wide either side of Kurogane. Kurogane lifted himself up onto his elbows to look, but Fai stopped him there with a touch to his shoulder. "Let me do this." That voice was all Fai, no playing at the coquettish concubine.
Fai reached behind where he was kneeling and took Kurogane in hand. The feel of Fai's naked thighs against his body versus the floating silk that now covered Kurogane's thighs had ensured no part of Kurogane lost interest. Of course Fai wasn't wearing anything underneath. The billow of the silk meant Kurogane couldn't see anything, he could only feel Fai reach for his cock. Fai had hitched up the fabric covering his legs, and was craning his neck to see over the bunched fabric. His first attempt was unsuccessful, as Kurogane's cock slid over the soft flesh around Fai's asshole.
Fai's second attempt was successful.
Kurogane slid in, helped by some form of lubricant. Fai had prepared himself beforehand. Kurogane was caught between two thoughts. The first was about Fai, having sat there, knowing he was ready, enjoying the tease, even if Fai was the only person who knew. The other was about the sort of man who could keep a concubine like that, useless for anything else, because he had to be ready for any time his lord and master wanted it. Kurogane had put his sword through the stomach of plenty of men like that.
Fai moved down slowly, and while the tease wasn't deliberate in that sense, that doesn't mean it wasn't one. Normally Kurogane would steady Fai with his hands on Fai's hips; normally Kurogane steadies himself by doing that, so he's not tempted to thrust too hard, too fast. But Fai had warned him off. Kurogane finds he can't stay still, he needs to do something with his hands, to ward off the urge to brace and thrust, so he reaches up and runs his finger over Fai's chest. In all the exertion, the furisode had fallen open, exposing Fai's chest. It hadn't fallen off, it was still draped over Fai's shoulders, just, and with his second reach upwards, Kurogane stroked the line where fabric met flesh.
Fai shivered, the motion passing through him, as he tightened round Kurogane.
"Oh my Lord, you needn't do that."
"You're mine. Shouldn't I be allowed to touch you?" Another shiver, this time with a half-trapped gasp. The movement exposed Fai's nipple, and Kurogane wasn't going to let that opportunity pass. He reached up and circled his thumb lightly over the nub, enjoying the way Fai threw his head back and seemed to catch between tensing and relaxing.
Fai's movement exposed his throat and oh how Kurogane wanted to bend himself forward and up and reach out and lick and ... he's sure several of his ideas are anatomically impossible and anyway, Kurogane had silently agreed he'd play the part of some lazy lord, even if he could never understand someone who wouldn't reach out and touch their partner in a situation like this. But if Fai wanted this, then Kurogane would give it to him.
Kurogane found it almost impossible to still himself so he clutched at Fai's ankles, tried to ground himself that way, but it was so hard, when he knew how to make this so much better for Fai. And himself, because Kurogane was no selfless martyr in bed either. He drew circles with his thumbs over Fai's ankles when the urges increased. Kurogane finds his hands exploring Fai's feet, palms over remarkably soft heels. The smooth silk of the edges of the furisode floated tantalisingly over his wrist as Fai sunk back down.
Fai in motion had the same stop-start grace he always has, subtly altering his position to ensure he got the most out of this. The movement does not help Kurogane's urge to brace and thrust. But every time Kurogane’s resolve nearly breaks, that hand on his chest stops him.
It was torment.
Kurogane bunched his fists in the material curled up around Fai's thighs. Nothing feels the way silk feels under his fingers, but right now he wanted to dig his fingertips into Fai's thighs.
Fai's hand was moving on Kurogane's chest, fingers pressing down, like that was what was anchoring him, just, to this plane instead of flying off. The lines of his body were all arching towards something, coiled ready to spring and all Kurogane wants is to give Fai this.
Kurogane's hands somehow found purchase on Fai's arse, solid under his hands, even through the silk. The grasping shifted Fai slightly, and he didn't object to Kurogane thrusting now. Fai's fingertips slid up and down Kurogane's chest, as he rose and fell, faster and faster.
The sound when Fai came was nothing like a crystal breaking. Wordless sounds jangled, meaning obvious even if Mokona hadn't still been close enough to translate. Kurogane could feel stripes of Fai's semen splayed across his stomach, stark white against his skin and especially in comparison to the black nagajuban.
Fai's forearms pressed against Kurogane's shoulder, as he collapsed against Kurogane's chest. Kurogane kissed the top of Fai's head as they continued to rock together.
Fai raised his head and blew his hair out of his eyes. "I ...," he laughed, not his usual light chuckle but an out-of-breath exhalation. He looked drunk, almost, the same easy looseness about his limbs, but with eyes shining clear and bright. "Wow." He laughed again and sat back. "But oh my master, I've left you unsatisfied." Fai began to move again, this time without the restraining hand on Kurogane's chest. Kurogane took that as permission that now he could thrust and grab as he wished. His excitement, which hadn't reduced much while Fai took a few moments to recover, was moving towards its peak. "To have left you unfulfilled, oh what a terrible," and thankfully he cut himself off, answering with a nod of his head the question Kurogane asked with the cant of his hips.
Kurogane lifted Fai up, and spun them both around. Fai was so light, it was harder to make sure not to slam him down too hard than it was to lift him. The cushion Fai had placed on the floor for Kurogane's comfort now acted to prevent Fai's head hitting the wooden surface. Kurogane's hand behind Fai's head would have done the job as well, but at least the cushion prevented bruised knuckles.
In lifting Fai, Kurogane had lifted him off his dick, but now he could drive back into Fai, Fai's legs over his shoulder, pressing Fai down. Fai encouraged him, every thrust met with an enthusiastic "yes, master, more", or a sound which conveyed the same message.
Kurogane forgot himself in this, said all kinds of nonsense in rhythm with the slam of his hips. All about how Fai is his, will always be his, only his, and his forever. He was normally more careful than this, careful not to bend and push Fai, careful not to say these sort of things. Kurogane knows better than that, there is no forever.
It can't take long and doesn't.
Kurogane comes back to himself slowly, Fai's fingers running through the hair at the nape of his neck acting as an anchor to who he really is.
The position can't be comfortable for Fai but he doesn't complain. Kurogane wished he would because he recognised that look on Fai's face – it was his politely disengaged look, when he'd given up a fight because he doesn't think he's worth it. Kurogane hated that look.
Kurogane wondered what he'd said that's caused that look this time, because he's learnt to recognise when he's the one responsible - it's never deliberate, but he treads on Fai's sore spots as easily as he kicks through doors. Kurogane suspected it was something he’d said in the nonsense he blabbered, although Fai should know him well enough by now to know that every "mine" is "I'm yours."
Kurogane looked up at Fai, but there was no clue there, and he can't ask, because if he asked, Fai would pretend there was nothing wrong and then that 'nothing' will fester for weeks.
Guessing, even guessing wrong, would be less painful. Kurogane has learned to trust his instincts around Fai, even when he's wrong, he's normally at least in the direction of right. Mostly. Sort of.
He'd always known there was more to Fai than Fai pretended. Kurogane didn't lie to himself, he found Fai attractive when he'd first seen him in the witch's garden. Pretty but ornamental. Kurogane did nothing about it, because he wasn't some kid straight out of the academy, but it didn't mean he didn't notice.
They'd been fooling around since Koryo, because Fai could make several obscene suggestions without ever opening his mouth, and Kurogane believed in self-control not self-denial, even if they seemed to alternate between making out and Fai driving him round the twist. But, by the time they left Koryo, Kurogane already knew there was something else under all of Fai's nonsense, even if he couldn't have guessed what it was. You can't spend that much time with someone, working hard on house repairs, without knowing them.
Shura changed whatever it was that was between them before, because they had to get over themselves to survive. Because that's what Kurogane did, he tried to keep the people he loved safe and tried to survive. He's been doing that all his life.
All of this, maybe not the tea, or the immediate ceremony around it, but everything else; the toy who lived only for his desires, the land, the responsibilities, it was nothing Kurogane wanted now. The idea of Fai underneath him, wrapped in furisode bearing his family crest, sure it made his dick twitch, made him want to stir even though he was wrung out, but it wasn’t something he'd swap for what he has now. If they find somewhere to reincarnate the kids, if Princess Tomoyo needed his help, needed his help in a way that couldn't be given in a quick in and out using Mokona's earring, then maybe parts of it, the land and responsibilities at least, it might be something he'd have to take on. But he can't imagine that without Fai, and he can’t imagine a Fai who would just lie there and take, not taunt and tease and mock. And Kurogane would, maybe through gritted teeth sometimes, admit that Fai without that would ruin at least half the fun they had.
And he thinks Fai doesn't understand any of what all this means to Kurogane because he hasn't had the same life as Kurogane, where a pretty boy in a furisode was the star of every dog-eared collection of pornographic woodcuts that made its way around the training quarters - they were ninjas not priests, and he was sure some of those books had seen several generations of students through their teenage years.
Years’ worth of *that*, those books, those images, it was going to leave a trace.
That’s what Fai doesn’t understand and Kurogane knew he couldn’t explain it, the quiet sneaking hours, all of you desperately ignoring each other, longingly dreaming of a soft pale hand instead of your own callused left hand.
Instead Kurogane worked with what he can make understood to bridge the gap between them. He shifted up, although it was comfortable for neither of them, and told him - told Fai about seeing him in the rain at Yuuko's, that first moment of not knowing him at all and finding him stunningly attractive - beautiful he doesn't say because that's not the sort of word Kurogane uses, even if it's true.
He described every detail.
"There is no way you remember that much," said Fai.
"Your clothes were so skin-tight and wet I could see the underwear you weren't wearing." Another man, someone less interestingly infuriating than Fai, might have blushed. Fai did not blush. He moved against Kurogane and it really wasn't comfortable and no matter how much either of them might want to, they were still too tired to go again, but the warmth in Kurogane’s body is like embers, drowsily banked.
Kurogane shifted them both till they were more comfortable.
He described Koryo, and that first moment where it felt like his centre of gravity shifted sideways when he looked at Fai. Kurogane didn’t describe it like that, and he doesn't say love, because he doesn't use words that way, and he avoids 'always' and 'forever' because Fai doesn't believe in them, or he does, and that's the problem.
Kurogane covered them both with his kimono, he doesn't even want to imagine what the dry cleaning is going be like, but right now, he was comfortable. He has slept in far more uncomfortable places than this after all, he has a pillow, or half of one, a blanket, thin-ish silk though it is, and Fai in his arms.
And the kid ... will be back in the morning. Kurogane started to move, because they will have to get out of the living room, get into bed, make sure the kid doesn't see more than anyone needs to see.
"Kuro-pin, I told Sayoran and Mokona to stay at Masayoshi's for two nights." Kurogane raised an eyebrow, "I suspected we would want a lie-in in the morning." Fai snuggled in more closely. "Or something."
~~~~
Author: Red Fiona
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, CLAMP and their publishers do, and no money is being made from this.
Characters: Kurogane, Fai, background rest of the team and Masayoshi.
Pairings: Kurogane/Fai
Rating: NC-17, for sex
Notes: Post-series, established relationship fic. Or "every Tsubasa writer writes at least one furisode fic," this is mine.
Tags: identity porn, clothes porn
Summary: After seeing Kurogane's reaction to him in a furisode, Fai dresses up for Kurogane. Both of them get carried away.
~~~~
In many ways, it had started on a different world.
The world had been both something like Kurogane's Nihon and not at all like it at the same time. It was as though someone had drawn a line from Nihon to Piffle-world and placed the world half-way between them, in its customs, clothing and technology. While they were there, looking for somewhere the clones could be reborn and live in peace, there was a town festival and the local tradition was to dress in old-fashioned clothes for the festivities. Kurogane wouldn't have minded that part, the traditional clothes looked almost exactly like Nihon's and Kurogane had missed some things about his old clothes. Not enough to complain, but enough to enjoy the chance of wearing something like them again. So, he would have looked forward to it, if he hadn't known that Fai and Mokona would use it as an excuse for their usual silliness.
Fai took advantage of the tradition and took them all clothes shopping, leading a marginally disgruntled ninja, because Kurogane knew this would end in ridiculousness, and a curious Sayoran to the local shopping centre to try to find some suitable clothes.
Sayoran's attention was distracted by a beaded necklace made of a turquoise stone. As they travelled through the worlds, Sayoran collected things to give to Sakura. Mostly it was small things, rocks and flowers and local fabrics, but sometimes it was small items of jewellery. A few worlds ago, Sayoran had been given a bracelet for Sakura. They'd helped a town survive a scarecrow onslaught, and a small child had given Sayoran a bracelet made from seeds. Sayoran had thanked the child, but the child had returned with a second bracelet, "and this one is for the one you miss." They've visited Sakura since and she wore the bracelet every day. This necklace would complement the bracelet well.
Kurogane knew the price of the necklace would be the only thing that might dissuade Sayoran, and was trying to figure out a way of giving Sayoran some money towards it without embarrassing the boy. They'd been working hard on this world as Sayoran hunted for information. They had the money to spare.
Kurogane was, in short, distracted. He hadn't seen Fai vanish into the changing rooms, or what clothes he'd gone in there with. He did, however, see Fai come out of the changing room.
It was ... obscene was the only word that Kurogane could think of. With long, draping arms, the sky-blue silk of the body of the furisode fitted closely to Fai's body. The sheen made it look like Fai had been swimming in the fabric, as though the silk had mixed with the water and had been painted on. At least, it looked like that until you reached the collar. The white collar opened so invitingly, loose enough that it was practically pleading with you to slide your hand in and touch.
Kurogane dropped the money into Sayoran's hands. Or at least he dropped it, he didn't check to see if Sayoran caught it. He was too busy shouting at Fai. He could feel a blush rising, and was hoping that people would put the redness of his cheeks down to anger.
"What do you think you're wearing?"
"It is rather fetching, isn't it, Kuro-pon?"
"You're not going out in public dressed like that?!"
Fai's features were carrying a quizzical smirk. He didn't know why Kurogane was quite so infuriated. Kurogane was relieved, he might survive this argument with something left of his dignity if Fai didn't know.
Then one of the shop attendants giggled, turned and whispered something to her equally elderly colleague, who also giggled and oh the hell of it was, they knew that he was blushing and why. Their mockery was gentle, but he was being laughed at by two women old enough to be his grandmother, and most mortifying of all, they knew.
For a brief moment, Kurogane did wonder if it was possible to die of embarrassment. Either that, or whether he could run away and live as a hermit in the hills for at least a month, until everyone forgot the whole thing, if you could ever forget Fai dressed like that.
Fai turned to ask the ladies for an explanation, and oh, the curve of his back, the shape of fabric as it clung to him and then exposed the nape of his neck. Well, not exposed, Fai wore his hair down, but that was more tantalising because there was only a glimpse of skin through golden waves of hair, and Kurogane knew he was standing in the middle of a shop, mouth gaping open stupidly, utterly lost.
The first of the two ladies whispered an explanation to Fai. Kurogane couldn't hear it but knew that that was what it must have been because of the cat-like smile that appeared on Fai's face. "Oh," Fai said, and grinned. Kurogane was doomed, that grin promised mischief.
Fai whispered something to the shop attendant, and returned to the changing room. Kurogane was worried what he'd come out dressed in next, because he couldn't see what the shop assistant was bringing for Fai to try on.
Kurogane was ever so relieved when it was a much more sensible yukata that Fai came out wearing next. Even in his relief, Kurogane noticed that Fai bought the furisode, had it wrapped up, paper rustling round silk, and put in a box to take away with the yukata.
He put the knowledge to the back of his mind, especially when the festival passed without the furisode reappearing. He didn't forget the furisode, it wandered through his fantasies, and it was a reliable companion when he masturbated, but it was a long time before Kurogane saw it again.
They were back in Hanshin. This time, they were staying in their own flat, because Arashi had enough to handle with Sorata and a small child. They're back because Sayoran thought he’d found a lead on somewhere they might be able to re-embody the clones. Sayoran was chasing the information through endless books, and as luck would have it, Masayoshi's father was the head librarian of the library that holds the books. The books were dusty and unused because they dealt with fantasies and improbabilities. No-one on this world thought they could be useful. And maybe they weren't to anyone else, but they could be vital for them.
Masayoshi had aged several years in the time they were away, and was acting as assistant librarian over the school summer holiday. Masayoshi had invited Sayoran to stay the night at his house.
Kurogane was against it. If anything happened to Sayoran during the night, they would be too far away to save him.
Fai was being no help. "But Kuro-daddy, children have to grow up some time." Kurogane could have done with less sarcasm. He supposed it was Fai's way of telling him he was being ridiculous, and probably the kindest way Fai had when they were in company.
They spoke about it afterwards, when Sayoran had left for the library that day. Fai pointed out that they weren't going with him to the library, and that was further away than Masayoshi's house. It wasn't the same, and Fai knew that, but he also had a point. Kurogane was old enough to know that night wasn't necessarily any more dangerous than day, and Sayoran fought well enough to defend himself, but still ... what if someone attacked him while he slept?
"It'll do him good to have friends his own age." Fai had had no sort of childhood, and Kurogane's had been cut short. If they could give him this, they probably should.
"Hmm!"
"You just have to accept that you can't always be there with him."
"Hmm!" Kurogane might have to accept it, but he didn't have to accept it graciously.
In the end, he let Sayoran go, after Mokona promised to use one of their not-so-secret techniques to raise the alarm if necessary.
Both Sayoran and Masayoshi said thank you, and Mokona bounced out of the door after them, shouting about having talked Kuro-daddy into letting Mokona join the sleepover. Kurogane was almost certain that Fai and Mokona had planned this between them, and spent most of the evening grousing about the nickname. Fai teased him some more, which Kurogane knew was deliberate, but he played along anyway, because he knew Fai was doing it to take his mind away from his fears about Sayoran.
He didn’t sleep that night, or hardly, listening out for Mokona's shout to tell them something terrible had happened. Fai was pretending to sleep next to him; it was good to have company on a vigil, even better to have company that was willing to pretend it wasn't happening.
Kurogane was tired the next morning, and quiet, even for him. Fai still said nothing, just smiled and pretended they hadn't both been awake all night. Kurogane was grateful for that, and the thermos flask of strong, black coffee that Fai slipped into his work-bag without comment.
Sayoran had called in the morning, as proof that nothing bad had happened, but Kurogane still wasn't satisfied until he saw Sayoran in the flat when he came back from work.
So the first sleepover had not ended in disaster. And Kurogane let himself be talked into okaying a second, and then a third, and eventually, it became a thing, about once a week, Sayoran would stay at Masayoshi's house or Masayoshi would stay with them.
It was one of those nights. Kurogane would have known anyway, because he made a note in his diary, but Sayoran, Fai *and* Mokona had also reminded him. Sayoran even called him at work to remind in the afternoon.
There was a note stuck to the front door of their flat when Kurogane returned home. It read, "Your clothes are on the bed. PS do dress nicely for dinner." Kurogane could almost see Fai's smile as he read it. He had no idea what Fai was up to, but would play along. Normally, the worst thing that happened was some small embarrassment, and mostly it ended quite pleasantly.
The kitchen and living room doors were closed, and only their bedroom door was open. Fai had laid out the black hakama, nagajuban and kimono from that other world, neatly ironed and presented. Kurogane decided that this deserved his whole effort. After a shower, he was spotlessly clean, and once dressed, he made sure that every pleat and fold was in the right place. Underneath the clothes, Fai had left another note. "When you're ready, knock on the living room door."
The door opened when Kurogane knocked. "I'll be right there. Make yourself comfortable," came Fai's voice from the kitchen. Looking around, Kurogane could see that Fai had tried to copy the layout for a tea ceremony. It wasn't exact, but he'd done his best, and Kurogane appreciated the attempt. Kurogane could hear the gentle clopping of geta against solid floor, a determined sound probably and hopefully made by someone who was making a show of having put them on just to take them off, because Fai in geta was a disaster every time.
Kurogane heard the kitchen door open, and then the living room door also opened slightly. There was the sound of shuffling and then the door opened.
Kurogane had intended to compliment Fai, and thank him for his consideration and kindness in preparing all of this, but he was struck dumb. Fai was wearing the furisode and, it turned out, Kurogane's memory had failed him. Instead of embellishing any point, it hadn't done justice to the way the fabric shone and shimmered as Fai moved or to the way it flowed as Fai's hips moved as he trod ever so carefully on the tatami mats.
Not carefully enough, as Fai started to trip and fall before righting himself. Natural grace or vampire instincts came to Fai's rescue. Kurogane had reached his arms out to catch him just in case, but thankfully he wasn't needed. Given his otherwise state of complete and utter bedazzledness, Kurogane was quite proud that his reactions were that quick.
Fai put down the tea implements. They were ... not traditional, and yet some part of Kurogane's heart leapt anyway because it's right that they have their own set. There was nothing left of any family heirlooms in Suwa and he suspected this wasn't something they did in Celes.
And of course, no true tea ceremony would be hosted by someone dressed like this. No, this would have been something altogether less formal. Which is something Fai probably knew given the amount of work that had to have gone into this.
"And what did my lord do today?"
Kurogane was trapped between two choices. He could, of course, tell Fai about his work that day, about how Ken had knocked the coffee in the pot all over the building plans, and they'd spent time trying to rescue them then replicating them when it became obvious that parts of it couldn’t be rescued, and all in all it had cost them half a day's work. Or he could invent a day; the day of a man who had enough to keep a concubine for no other purpose than his pleasure, a concubine who would eat with him and feed him and flatter him.
Kurogane chose to play along with the pretence, in honour of Fai’s effort to do all of this. He told Fai of the yield of barley in the fields, about the preparation for next year's planting, about how the cattle were faring. The details came from things he had overheard in Tomoyo's palace, he hasn’t got the imagination to create something whole cloth. For instance, he'd never had the imagination to dream of anything like this.
Fai was attentive, listening to Kurogane's story of the day and feeding him sweet treats.
Or rather, not-so-sweet treats, and Kurogane knew enough to know that Fai must have altered the recipes to suit his taste, and that if he opened the kitchen door, there would be a black apron with flour still on it. Of course, in the world Fai had conjured up, Fai would have ordered the servants to make it to his master's tastes, so Kurogane chooses to forget about the reality behind the kitchen door.
Kurogane must have been staring, not deliberately, while he was thinking, because Fai's cheeks were dusted pink with blushing, and it shouldn't have been as attractive as it was. Somehow, Fai’s blush was a shade that suited the blue, white and gold of the furisode and Kurogane couldn't help himself, he reached out to brush Fai's cheek, to kiss it, his jaw, his throat. Kurogane's hand wound its way through the hair at the nape of Fai's neck, as the other slipped inside the furisode.
Fai smiled and withdrew. The dry kiss against Kurogane's lips said 'later' as much as actual words did. "Tea first."
Fai carried the plates away, and returned with a bowl of hot water. Kurogane chose not to hear the click of the kettle, and well, if a gas burner isn't a coal fire pit, it's a matter of degree.
Fai had studied, and he was being so careful with the tea pot and bowl that Kurogane found it easy to play along.
The traditional phrases were said and the tea bowl passed between them. Under normal circumstances, Kurogane would have been happy to watch Fai drink tea for hours, the way his lips curved, the movement of his throat as he drank the tea, and the look of contentment.
They sat there in silence. Unbelievable though it may have been, Fai was capable of silence, happy silence at that. In fact, it was Kurogane who broke the silence, because these were not normal circumstances. Kurogane had gone through the motions of the ceremony, his body remembering years of repetition, even as his mind was elsewhere. It would have been rude, in a way even Kurogane wasn't normally, if the reason he wasn't paying attention hadn't been how closely he was watching Fai. He was committing the scene to memory, every shift of cloth, drape and fold. He wants, in a way he wasn't accustomed to wanting. Partly it's that what Fai was pretending they have is something they don't have, and Kurogane had accepted years ago it's something he'd never have so he'd never thought to want it, and partly that neither of them are doing anything about the wanting. They are sitting here, kneeling and wanting. Kurogane was used to Fai teasing him, but normally it was more direct than this, not from two feet away, separated by a hearth. But the effect was the same as if Fai was next to him and taking him in hand.
Fai moved to pick up the utensils they had been using for the ceremony, but Kurogane held him back. "I am sure we have servants to clean the utensils for you." Kurogane barely recognised his own voice, the words almost sticking in his throat.
"But ..."
"Leave the utensils for the servants." Kurogane will clean them and dry them and put them away, but tomorrow. He has better things to do right now. Kurogane's response caused a moment where Fai broke through the character he was playing, a split second of mirth, purely and completely Fai, pleased that he has captured Kurogane’s interest so completely, that did nothing but inflame Kurogane more. He wants, he wants, he wants.
“I will be back in a few moments.” Fai is only tidy about kitchen equipment.
When Fai returned, Kurogane feared there would be a moment of awkwardness, the spell broken, and yet, Fai had already thought of that also. He brings a cushion with him, and Kurogane will join him in pretending it's a silken pillow, because apparently, this lord he is has those lying around, to lie on and linger on with his concubine, and most importantly to rest against so his head didn't hit the floor as they lay. In this fantasy world of theirs, it would already have been there and Fai wouldn't have had to gently lay it behind Kurogane, guess where he would land when Fai did whatever it was Fai was planning.
With the cushion out of his hands, Fai knelt in front of Kurogane, and Kurogane feels that warmth again. Right now, it's mostly desire and the knowledge that his lust will soon be gratified, but underneath it, there's joy, joy that he has Fai beside him.
Fai kissed him, softly, barely, more on the corner of Kurogane's mouth than his lips, but he didn’t object when Kurogane deepened the kiss. Later is now, and it has been worth the wait. Kurogane kissed Fai's lips, his cheekbone, that soft spot underneath his right ear. Kurogane's thumb slid over Fai's lips and slipped inside when Fai's lips parted under this treatment. Kurogane's other hand was slipping down Fai's back to rest on his arse, fingers splayed across it and pulling Fai up and toward him. Kurogane had some very distinct ideas about where this is going but Fai stopped him again, with nothing more forceful than resting his hands on Kurogane's hips.
"Oh no my lord, you've worked so hard today, rest while I do this for you." It's not what they normally do, but Kurogane let Fai guide him to the floor, head landing against the damn pillow which Fai had quickly moved five inches to the left when it turned out his estimate hadn’t been quite right. Kurogane's kimono had been disarranged, and Fai kissed his way down Kurogane's chest where the nagajuban no longer covered his skin. Fai gently pulled Kurogane's black hakama down, along with the fundoshi underneath, releasing Kurogane's cock.
Kurogane had spent the past however long kneeling there half-hard. It’s what even the thought of Fai in the furisode does to him, and in the flesh, just outside of touching distance, Fai was more desirable that Kurogane remembered him being in that shop several worlds ago. Now that he was touching Kurogane, it was a pleasant sort of unbearable.
"You honour me, my lord." Kurogane has no idea how a concubine would sound saying that in this situation, but he suspects there'd be less amiable mockery. But any rude reply Kurogane might have made was cut-off when Fai started to jerk him off. It wouldn't have taken much to bring him to full hardness, but the wispy feel of the long silk sleeves against his thighs as Fai's hand moved up and down, those obscenely long, loose sleeves, it got Kurogane there even faster.
Fai released Kurogane's cock with a kiss to the tip. He scooted up Kurogane's body, knees spread wide either side of Kurogane. Kurogane lifted himself up onto his elbows to look, but Fai stopped him there with a touch to his shoulder. "Let me do this." That voice was all Fai, no playing at the coquettish concubine.
Fai reached behind where he was kneeling and took Kurogane in hand. The feel of Fai's naked thighs against his body versus the floating silk that now covered Kurogane's thighs had ensured no part of Kurogane lost interest. Of course Fai wasn't wearing anything underneath. The billow of the silk meant Kurogane couldn't see anything, he could only feel Fai reach for his cock. Fai had hitched up the fabric covering his legs, and was craning his neck to see over the bunched fabric. His first attempt was unsuccessful, as Kurogane's cock slid over the soft flesh around Fai's asshole.
Fai's second attempt was successful.
Kurogane slid in, helped by some form of lubricant. Fai had prepared himself beforehand. Kurogane was caught between two thoughts. The first was about Fai, having sat there, knowing he was ready, enjoying the tease, even if Fai was the only person who knew. The other was about the sort of man who could keep a concubine like that, useless for anything else, because he had to be ready for any time his lord and master wanted it. Kurogane had put his sword through the stomach of plenty of men like that.
Fai moved down slowly, and while the tease wasn't deliberate in that sense, that doesn't mean it wasn't one. Normally Kurogane would steady Fai with his hands on Fai's hips; normally Kurogane steadies himself by doing that, so he's not tempted to thrust too hard, too fast. But Fai had warned him off. Kurogane finds he can't stay still, he needs to do something with his hands, to ward off the urge to brace and thrust, so he reaches up and runs his finger over Fai's chest. In all the exertion, the furisode had fallen open, exposing Fai's chest. It hadn't fallen off, it was still draped over Fai's shoulders, just, and with his second reach upwards, Kurogane stroked the line where fabric met flesh.
Fai shivered, the motion passing through him, as he tightened round Kurogane.
"Oh my Lord, you needn't do that."
"You're mine. Shouldn't I be allowed to touch you?" Another shiver, this time with a half-trapped gasp. The movement exposed Fai's nipple, and Kurogane wasn't going to let that opportunity pass. He reached up and circled his thumb lightly over the nub, enjoying the way Fai threw his head back and seemed to catch between tensing and relaxing.
Fai's movement exposed his throat and oh how Kurogane wanted to bend himself forward and up and reach out and lick and ... he's sure several of his ideas are anatomically impossible and anyway, Kurogane had silently agreed he'd play the part of some lazy lord, even if he could never understand someone who wouldn't reach out and touch their partner in a situation like this. But if Fai wanted this, then Kurogane would give it to him.
Kurogane found it almost impossible to still himself so he clutched at Fai's ankles, tried to ground himself that way, but it was so hard, when he knew how to make this so much better for Fai. And himself, because Kurogane was no selfless martyr in bed either. He drew circles with his thumbs over Fai's ankles when the urges increased. Kurogane finds his hands exploring Fai's feet, palms over remarkably soft heels. The smooth silk of the edges of the furisode floated tantalisingly over his wrist as Fai sunk back down.
Fai in motion had the same stop-start grace he always has, subtly altering his position to ensure he got the most out of this. The movement does not help Kurogane's urge to brace and thrust. But every time Kurogane’s resolve nearly breaks, that hand on his chest stops him.
It was torment.
Kurogane bunched his fists in the material curled up around Fai's thighs. Nothing feels the way silk feels under his fingers, but right now he wanted to dig his fingertips into Fai's thighs.
Fai's hand was moving on Kurogane's chest, fingers pressing down, like that was what was anchoring him, just, to this plane instead of flying off. The lines of his body were all arching towards something, coiled ready to spring and all Kurogane wants is to give Fai this.
Kurogane's hands somehow found purchase on Fai's arse, solid under his hands, even through the silk. The grasping shifted Fai slightly, and he didn't object to Kurogane thrusting now. Fai's fingertips slid up and down Kurogane's chest, as he rose and fell, faster and faster.
The sound when Fai came was nothing like a crystal breaking. Wordless sounds jangled, meaning obvious even if Mokona hadn't still been close enough to translate. Kurogane could feel stripes of Fai's semen splayed across his stomach, stark white against his skin and especially in comparison to the black nagajuban.
Fai's forearms pressed against Kurogane's shoulder, as he collapsed against Kurogane's chest. Kurogane kissed the top of Fai's head as they continued to rock together.
Fai raised his head and blew his hair out of his eyes. "I ...," he laughed, not his usual light chuckle but an out-of-breath exhalation. He looked drunk, almost, the same easy looseness about his limbs, but with eyes shining clear and bright. "Wow." He laughed again and sat back. "But oh my master, I've left you unsatisfied." Fai began to move again, this time without the restraining hand on Kurogane's chest. Kurogane took that as permission that now he could thrust and grab as he wished. His excitement, which hadn't reduced much while Fai took a few moments to recover, was moving towards its peak. "To have left you unfulfilled, oh what a terrible," and thankfully he cut himself off, answering with a nod of his head the question Kurogane asked with the cant of his hips.
Kurogane lifted Fai up, and spun them both around. Fai was so light, it was harder to make sure not to slam him down too hard than it was to lift him. The cushion Fai had placed on the floor for Kurogane's comfort now acted to prevent Fai's head hitting the wooden surface. Kurogane's hand behind Fai's head would have done the job as well, but at least the cushion prevented bruised knuckles.
In lifting Fai, Kurogane had lifted him off his dick, but now he could drive back into Fai, Fai's legs over his shoulder, pressing Fai down. Fai encouraged him, every thrust met with an enthusiastic "yes, master, more", or a sound which conveyed the same message.
Kurogane forgot himself in this, said all kinds of nonsense in rhythm with the slam of his hips. All about how Fai is his, will always be his, only his, and his forever. He was normally more careful than this, careful not to bend and push Fai, careful not to say these sort of things. Kurogane knows better than that, there is no forever.
It can't take long and doesn't.
Kurogane comes back to himself slowly, Fai's fingers running through the hair at the nape of his neck acting as an anchor to who he really is.
The position can't be comfortable for Fai but he doesn't complain. Kurogane wished he would because he recognised that look on Fai's face – it was his politely disengaged look, when he'd given up a fight because he doesn't think he's worth it. Kurogane hated that look.
Kurogane wondered what he'd said that's caused that look this time, because he's learnt to recognise when he's the one responsible - it's never deliberate, but he treads on Fai's sore spots as easily as he kicks through doors. Kurogane suspected it was something he’d said in the nonsense he blabbered, although Fai should know him well enough by now to know that every "mine" is "I'm yours."
Kurogane looked up at Fai, but there was no clue there, and he can't ask, because if he asked, Fai would pretend there was nothing wrong and then that 'nothing' will fester for weeks.
Guessing, even guessing wrong, would be less painful. Kurogane has learned to trust his instincts around Fai, even when he's wrong, he's normally at least in the direction of right. Mostly. Sort of.
He'd always known there was more to Fai than Fai pretended. Kurogane didn't lie to himself, he found Fai attractive when he'd first seen him in the witch's garden. Pretty but ornamental. Kurogane did nothing about it, because he wasn't some kid straight out of the academy, but it didn't mean he didn't notice.
They'd been fooling around since Koryo, because Fai could make several obscene suggestions without ever opening his mouth, and Kurogane believed in self-control not self-denial, even if they seemed to alternate between making out and Fai driving him round the twist. But, by the time they left Koryo, Kurogane already knew there was something else under all of Fai's nonsense, even if he couldn't have guessed what it was. You can't spend that much time with someone, working hard on house repairs, without knowing them.
Shura changed whatever it was that was between them before, because they had to get over themselves to survive. Because that's what Kurogane did, he tried to keep the people he loved safe and tried to survive. He's been doing that all his life.
All of this, maybe not the tea, or the immediate ceremony around it, but everything else; the toy who lived only for his desires, the land, the responsibilities, it was nothing Kurogane wanted now. The idea of Fai underneath him, wrapped in furisode bearing his family crest, sure it made his dick twitch, made him want to stir even though he was wrung out, but it wasn’t something he'd swap for what he has now. If they find somewhere to reincarnate the kids, if Princess Tomoyo needed his help, needed his help in a way that couldn't be given in a quick in and out using Mokona's earring, then maybe parts of it, the land and responsibilities at least, it might be something he'd have to take on. But he can't imagine that without Fai, and he can’t imagine a Fai who would just lie there and take, not taunt and tease and mock. And Kurogane would, maybe through gritted teeth sometimes, admit that Fai without that would ruin at least half the fun they had.
And he thinks Fai doesn't understand any of what all this means to Kurogane because he hasn't had the same life as Kurogane, where a pretty boy in a furisode was the star of every dog-eared collection of pornographic woodcuts that made its way around the training quarters - they were ninjas not priests, and he was sure some of those books had seen several generations of students through their teenage years.
Years’ worth of *that*, those books, those images, it was going to leave a trace.
That’s what Fai doesn’t understand and Kurogane knew he couldn’t explain it, the quiet sneaking hours, all of you desperately ignoring each other, longingly dreaming of a soft pale hand instead of your own callused left hand.
Instead Kurogane worked with what he can make understood to bridge the gap between them. He shifted up, although it was comfortable for neither of them, and told him - told Fai about seeing him in the rain at Yuuko's, that first moment of not knowing him at all and finding him stunningly attractive - beautiful he doesn't say because that's not the sort of word Kurogane uses, even if it's true.
He described every detail.
"There is no way you remember that much," said Fai.
"Your clothes were so skin-tight and wet I could see the underwear you weren't wearing." Another man, someone less interestingly infuriating than Fai, might have blushed. Fai did not blush. He moved against Kurogane and it really wasn't comfortable and no matter how much either of them might want to, they were still too tired to go again, but the warmth in Kurogane’s body is like embers, drowsily banked.
Kurogane shifted them both till they were more comfortable.
He described Koryo, and that first moment where it felt like his centre of gravity shifted sideways when he looked at Fai. Kurogane didn’t describe it like that, and he doesn't say love, because he doesn't use words that way, and he avoids 'always' and 'forever' because Fai doesn't believe in them, or he does, and that's the problem.
Kurogane covered them both with his kimono, he doesn't even want to imagine what the dry cleaning is going be like, but right now, he was comfortable. He has slept in far more uncomfortable places than this after all, he has a pillow, or half of one, a blanket, thin-ish silk though it is, and Fai in his arms.
And the kid ... will be back in the morning. Kurogane started to move, because they will have to get out of the living room, get into bed, make sure the kid doesn't see more than anyone needs to see.
"Kuro-pin, I told Sayoran and Mokona to stay at Masayoshi's for two nights." Kurogane raised an eyebrow, "I suspected we would want a lie-in in the morning." Fai snuggled in more closely. "Or something."
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